The Forty-Fied Men

I have this unquenchable thirst of writing what I feel (mostly I speak the same way), which got me the fame of a witty yet a khadoos person. Even my blogs share the same fate and more often than not I keep getting emails brimming with advises from people who don't even know a thing about me or about writing and whose wasted effort I would never acknowledge.

Another thing about me is that I am a very opinionated person. Right from the Chinese food to the First Lady of the US, I have an opinion about everything.  When it comes to men, my views often dangerous and brow raising. Not that I am anti men or something, its just that people take a dig at women especially we Indians not only make fun of our ladies but also have no shame about it.

Whatever it may be my favorite targets are men in their early forties. I find them the most lethal of the entire fraternity. You can find them all around, juniors of your fathers, your seniors (teachers also) and in every colony as your neighbors.

Not that this age group is particularly sexually deprived, just that they are out of the league of any steamy romantic life at home or otherwise. Plus their age is the one where they must sound really intelligent and influential. They are a little overage to be called elder brothers and underage to be called uncles. I prefer none, as I don’t want to address this group because they make me feel a little cautious all the time. You can’t read what they exactly look forward to.  I know a few of them who are perfectly normal ones. They scan the girls with lusty eyes and never fail to appreciate the arousing nature of the fairer sex. They have a very fine taste for women in their mid twenties.

These kinds of men would offer to be your godfathers, friends and confidants. They would give you ideas and advises and make you feel that they always drink an elixir from the waterfall of wisdom. Sometimes they are successful in trapping the talkative and so called weaker sex. At other times when they are facing women like me who are stubborn and far too independent, they turn into divine critics. They would find everything about us to be utterly annoying. From high morals to big dreams which they know nothing about.

I m sure there would be many who would not be able to relate to what I am writing and my target audience might even label me as a disoriented feminist, nothing to worry; I had stopped bothering long back. All I would want to say that modern day women are neither foolish nor dependent. Go back to your homes and love the women who look after your home and your kids.

The Great Indian Family Circus

Recently I went to watch a movie. Not that there is something great about me watching the movie, but I was reluctant to go in the firsts place, as I had no interest, however my friends were interested to watch it. By the time movie ended I was in love with it. This happens with most of us. If not a movie then may be a place or person.

We are experts in being judgmental. We form and declare our opinions without even a backing of logic. We keep talking and gossiping about people without even interacting with the victim even once. That’s so convenient and gives our coffee a purpose. Otherwise it would be very difficult to go out for a coffee or for shopping if we have to first know a person and then gossip about them.

By the way Indian pickles are best in class and are famous around the world for the tangy and spicy flavors and so are our gossip factories. Go to any Indian family of four members (or three) especially when their relatives visit (Like the Tauji’s and the Buaji’s). Indian kids of my age have a record of hating their aunts to the core. I am sure nobody would want to know the reason, as it is the obvious one. A girl in the house who is 25 years old; single and working is a grave issue. A boy in the house aged 27 and above; working for an MNC and earning a heavy salary is worse than a widower.

Trust me I am not exaggerating, it can be proved if we go out to interview any person who is single and in mid twenties. The buck does not stop here. Oh, married for three years and no news of The Good News. Serious crime buddy. I mean when would you plan your family? After retirement? Did you see Sharma ji’s daughter, such short hair and the shorter skirt!

The best remedy to get this chain reaction under control is be honest with your family about your choices and preference and just love them. I mean nobody really matters when your family supports you. The relatives? Lets them keep the gossip machines churning.

One thing is for sure that the relatives, the neighbors are truly the catalyst (explosive ones) in the Great Indian Family Reaction.

Beyond The Horizon

Few days back I was speaking to a friend of mine about the current emotional dynamics in people of my generation. We spoke a lot about the commitment phobic orientation of the youth regardless of the gender. While brainstorming on what exactly commitment is, we concluded that commitment is a simple feeling of accepting the person the way he or she is i.e. with all the flaws and respecting the differences. It is easy to say that you don’t understand me and very tough to say that lets try to understand each other. A small misunderstanding leads to differences for a lifetime.  This lack of dedication and commitment is due to the fact that we are rigid, we want to stick to our shells and yet enjoy the benefits. The moment we are pulled out of our comfort zones, we snap the ties and look for an alternative source of happiness. This is not only for relationships but also for our careers.  Whenever we face a dicey situation or a rough patch, we give up, we do not fight to survive, and rather we succumb to the situation and kill the opportunity.

Physics has this famous Law of Inertia, which underlines the fact that we resist change. We are so unconsciously rigid that any minor change becomes a struggle for us. Imagine that you stop getting your bed tea, any idea about the result? Painful headache till you get your tea. This simple logic is applicable to every change we are subjected to. A situation where we face an unfavorable result, we are totally dismantled.  It gives us a feeling that world is collapsing and we needed to rush out of the situation. This approach actually robs the chance of emerging as a winner. Simple misjudgment and resistance to change takes away our chance to shine.

We generally have the tendency of judging people straight away. More often than not we do not even try to understand the situation but reach the conclusions straight away. You hardly know why the person has landed into such a situation, so stop being calculative about them. Such miscalculations are often disastrous for us. We should learn to adopt the thought process that if someone has taken a decision or said something, then there has to be a concrete reason behind that decision. Learn to accept feedback; learn to accept someone the way he or she is. Don’t force your thought process onto everyone. They can’t think like you because they are not you; their priorities in life are different; their experiences are different. Learn to agree to disagree. Express your thought but don’t force others to accept your line of thought. It is very important to co-exist with people of different line of thought while maintaining your own distinct identity.

Our vision is generally restricted and influenced. The day we learn to look beyond the horizon, we will learn to accept people around us with their present realities and challenges. Infact, it would be still a better world if we acknowledge the fact that there are things beyond the horizon which we cannot see or understand at this point of time. And eventually, if we try to understand people around us or situations we face, we can develop the skill of accepting things and people gracefully with a lot of room for improvement and learning. And if this happens, there is no looking back from that point, life will treat you with a lot of respect and happiness will always be around.

Winner Stands Alone

Going by the title you might think of Paulo Coelho’s book with the same title, however this blog and the book have nothing in common except the name. Generally speaking, people on the top feel alone. There are many people around them, willing to cash on their success, but hardly anybody who is a true companion. This is very common with fame related careers; however every successful person faces this sooner or later. Sometimes it sounds so bizarre that we take so many pains to reach that height and once we do, the charm is all gone as we hardly have anybody around us to share the vibe.

Winner not only stands alone, but also struggles alone to become the winner. You never seek refuge, never look for help, you need to go through the pain all alone and as a result you steal the show in the end when everybody else is in the audience and is clapping. Whatsoever, being on the podium doesn’t come that easy.

Infact it takes a great deal to reach the top. The effort, the struggle is not easy. There would be people who would want to pull you down, misguide you and make you feel less confident. There would be times when you would feel like giving up, don’t do that. Think of the day when that dream would come true. Think of that success. The moments when you would feel whatever you are doing is worthless and fruitless. Those nights when you fail to sleep, fail even to dream. Hold on to all the effort you have put in, it is going to pay you soon.

There would be times when you will be frustrated because nothing goes right, nothing bears fruit, nobody hears you out, nobody understands you, everyone out there looks at you with hatred and disgust, and nevertheless you need to keep going. You need to keep working, keep burning the midnight oil. You keep going on the carved path because that’s what makes you different from the audience. That’s what is going to make everyone else clap for you and make them crave to be your near ones. All this would happen only eventually, till that time you need to fight, struggle and work hard alone.

Remember the pole star? The shiny one in the night which shows direction to the sailors, it is different, and yet alone. Don’t give up, keep trying and one day you will become the pole star no matter people around you are genuinely with you or not.

Time is eternal

Most of the reviews I get for my blog appreciate me for my selection of topics I write about, however this one goes to one of my friend who was discussing on this topic with me a couple of days back. I could not agree more to the fact that time is the most powerful of the aspects of one's existence. Time shows us what we are and what everybody else is. You get what you deserve on the right time. The time which goes in waiting for that success is the testing one.It shows you the true picture of people around you. And nothing else is eternal except time. 

The interesting part is that with time everything settles down in life. Time gives us the comfort of accepting the failures and mistakes.However, my personal take is that settle down but never forget the lesson your mistakes have given you. And learn from it,improve on what you lacked and get up and gear up for another battle. I see people badly shattered by a heartbreak or an untimely death of someone, the power of time is that such wounds are healed sooner or later, although such wounds won't leave you completely and they keep happening to you on and off and the déjà vu prevails.

Time shows you how strong are you and how intense are your emotions. Time shows you how true are your relationships. Whatever is fake, necessarily fades away with time. I see people making so many promises to oneself and to others as well and they appear to be so dedicated, only time shows us the true face of such commitment. The desperation goes weak with time. The passion goes missing. The fire goes cold and thats how we achieve the most hated failures. We need to survive the test of time if our goals and commitments matter to us. Same goes for relationships we feel are important. We can't take things for granted. We need to put in our best incase we want to achieve the best results.

The most important thing which I have realised over the period of time is that if your intentions are right then someday or the other things will fall into place. This doesn't mean that you leave things to time. If we need desired results on time, you need to put in your efforts. You need to be honest to yourself. You need to be honest to your commitments and intentions. Be honest, put in ample hard work and time will favour you, at least when your intentions are true.

Melting Hearts

I was listening to some music today, an instrument piece; it touched me somewhere and my eyes were wet. This nostalgia creeps into our lives so very often. Each one of us has memories. Some good and some not so good. Remember those days when teacher used to make you the class monitor and you felt like a king / queen, your first date (not the bill please). Can you ever forget your first salary? Many of us have an experience when we feel life slipping out of our hand when we loose some near one. I feel a tear in my eyes whenever such a thought crosses my mind. Such moments melt in my eyes and my heart.

I remember when I lost someone very close to me, I could not believe that for a long time. I felt his presence everywhere. Infact I feel him standing next to me right now. This not something I need to share with people around me, however I chose to write it down only to substantiate that memories and moments are important. It is important to love people, get attached to them and feel their love. Money is important but not the most important. Money can buy only things but not emotions. Money can attract a girlfriend but it cannot transform her affection into a wife’s love. Money can buy kitchen equipments but cannot get your mother’s hand cooked dishes.

                                        

We have developed an insensitive tradition of using people and loving things. We snap all the ties for a piece of gold, if we get a chance to. Where is love, nowhere to be found in this fast pace world? If Adam had not fallen for Eve, we would not have been there only! I see people struggling and then they succumb to depression due to loneliness once they accumulate enough money in their accounts. We realize what we have lost only when it gets too late. In the autumn of life we are lonely and secluded because the spring was spent hoarding money rather than building relations. We quite surprisingly neglect the importance of sentiments and relationships in our life. Every now and then we see the old parents being abandoned once the offspring becomes financially able.

                                              

I have always been badly hurt by how materialistic we have become. We hide our emotions behind the pile of currency notes. We pseudo project our ego as our self esteem to break a bond. How fragile is our self proclaimed successful image. Don’t let your greed kill the human being in you. Cherish and nurture your emotions. Your children learn from you, if you leave your parents in oldage homes, you are likely to spend the evening of your life there only.

अति सर्वत्र वर्जयेत्

The title of my blog is a part of a Sanskrit Shloka which means Excess of Everything is Poisonous. I relate this to everything in life. Whether it is my personal life or professional or spiritual life. Whenever we indulge into something whether it is passion or self esteem or ambition or love, the time when we cross the threshold limit of the same we end up in a disaster.  I had read somewhere that Honey Bee's testicles explode when it has sex and it dies.

Man is responsible for his own destruction due to his own mistakes. A person who keeps himself in control is the one who is successful. The constant feedback I get is that I get hyper in times of crisis which means I lack emotional control (which is actually applicable to all spheres of my life), we need to keep ourselves in check if we want to do well in life. Always remember that there is only a thin line between confidence and over-confidence. 

When we accumulate a lot of knowledge and our pride swells up we actually turn towards the negative phase in life because the sense of accomplishment turns us into a rude and arrogant person. We are successful of we are intelligent yet humble which happens only when we strike a balance in life. As I keep saying we should not commodify our emotions. We always look for materialization of desires and of feelings. 

Our generation thinks that money is the parameter of success. Fame is the parameter of knowledge. Attention is the parameter of love. I say no! What you feel in your heart is the parameter of each and everything. Don't let desires, love,greed or lust rule your life. It leads you to complete destruction. 

We have this great habit of getting obsessed. Girls are obsessed with shopping (so are boys). Men are obsessed with cricket (some look only at Mandira Bedi though). My dear lovelies chuck obsession and hug sanity. Practise control. If you love someone don't go behind them like a dog, just let them be. If you want to accomplish something in life, work your ass off on weekdays but keep the weekends for your family and friends. You will someday buy a Mercedes, but do you see a point when you won't have a girlfriend or wife to take her on a long drive on a rainy evening. 

Don't go mad with things. Don't be a jerk. Excess of everything makes you loose out on the essentials and you end up living a life which you hate. I am sure you don't want to become a contemporary Ravan or Meena Kumari or whatever. No matter what you do, keep yourself in check. When you loose your temper, count backwards, calm down. When you love someone, don't suffocate them. If your are ambitious, don't become greedy or rather nasty and not even a machine please. 

Stay balanced, stay happy!